Ursa

we have a little black cat, Ursa, who is fascinated by water.  Running water, still water, dew--it doesn't matter--if it's liquid, she is right there.   Pawing it, licking it, rolling in it.  

She has learned how to... open...the...bathroom ...door.  She jumps up, and hangs on the lever using the inertia of her leap to ply open the door, whenever one, or both of us, is in there.  We have to warn our guests not to be surprised if,  while occupied, the bathroom door swings open and there is a tiny black cat sitting there.  

She paws at the water in the shower.  She sits in the sink while your brushing your teeth. Shaving is impossible.

But its not just water. Really, any liquid--wine in a glass, for example.  Olive Oil.  

Urine.  

While I am taking a leak, she'll stand with her front paws on the toilet, just mesmerized, periodically breaking away to look up at the source, as if to say "YOU. ARE. AMAZING."

It is beginning to get a little uncomfortable.  It used to be than I would shift around and block her out.  That was enough.  A couple of nights ago, I shifted, and she popped out between my legs, like a running back hitting the hole.  

Not to mix sports metaphors, but I had to shoot  off the backboard.  

The last week or so, I've been hard at work on a project, getting home after midnight (I just finished, yeah), and last night, I came back extra late, ready to crawl into bed.  Being the considerate husband, I didn't turn on any light when I got home, so as not to wake Mrs. 8.  But went to the bathroom.  Closed the door.  Strangely, no sound of Ursa trying to break in.   There was the distinctive change in sound from splash to a dull thumpity thumpity thump, like a automatic car wash.   I'd found her.  In the toilet. 

In my defense, I can only say--it was pitch black.  She is pitch black.  AND WHAT THE HELL IS THE CAT DOING IN THE TOILET?

I washed her down, which was probably worse for me than her, and then went wearily to bed.  

In the middle of the night, I woke up because she was sleeping on my face.  Damp fur.  Not good.