things I've tried to convince my wife of recently

1:  For the Fourth of July, they dye the river red, white and blue.  

2:  Gretchen Wilson has a new hit single:  "Suck my balls, I'm a cowgirl."  

This would have been funnier if Mrs. 8 had any idea who Gretchen Wilson is.  The fact that I know who Gretchen Wilson is is very sad.